You know when you are mad about something, and you can’t get yourself to talk about it?
And then you are asked if something is wrong, and you want it to go away so you say nothing?
And then it doesn’t go away, and it affects your mood, from being asked what do you want to eat to where do you want to go?
It becomes the big white elephant in the room and then there is no longer any room to walk around it?
You start to realize it is something you must face, and you don’t know how to say it?
That you feel vulnerable and you don’t want to fight with the other person or get them mad or feel like a fool?
And you feel like you handling it alone would be best
As time still goes on, you are not any happier, you didn’t handle it, and you are now waiting for the other person to do something so that you could simply blow up at them?
And pretend that that is why you are mad in the first place?
And then you feel even worse inside because that is not what you were mad at in the first place
And the other person feels horrible since it probably didn’t make sense, your anger matching his or her action
With all the negative feelings you were feeling beforehand, waiting for a reason to explode, did it really make anything better?
Did you really handle it by yourself?
Or did you single handily turn your initial hurt and anger into a war for not being understood, when it was you who assumed you could deal with it and you couldn’t?
If you followed this so far, what would happen if you simply said, from the beginning:
You know I feel bad when I am upset, but I am. I want to share it with you because I don’t want to feel bad about other things and then take this out on you. It is not fair to you, or to me.
Every time this one thing happens, I feel like it is taking away from us and that you don’t see that, and it makes me feel vulnerable.
I care about you so much that when I feel this way, I use to hold it in, but I am taking the chance and telling you so that I don’t hurt us.
You will find that the other person listens and they listen with love and understanding
What is not understood, is trying to live as though no one can see you when they can
And having to fight about things that teach you the reason why fighting does not make sense
There is not a human on Earth who wants to feel bad, not loved or cheated by their friends, family, CO workers or boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives.
I never met a child who remembered why they were angered at, but I met many who remember the humiliation of being screamed at or hit
Take the time to ask yourself, what would you respond to, and do it that way
Take the time to think about the other person, rather than what you want out of them
Ask yourself if you are setting them up to do something wrong, and then scream at them for it
The patience that you need, others need too
You are not the only one and neither are they
We are all one, look at it that way
One person, One need, One home, One family
We are most whole when we feel closest to One
We are most whole when we are not feeling desperate and alone, fragmented and scared
Speaking in the moment, of the moment, is the peace of our souls
It may not feel like it on the way there, but you have to push yourself to it to find it, to feel it
Peace doesn’t come without a claim to its understanding
Love is not known until you can see the effects of the lacks of love
Truth only has meaning when we have seen, lived in, and got hurt when it is not around
Speak in the moment and you won’t have to create a moment or plan anything
Truth has a way of surfacing above all else
Next time you feel unspoken when you need to speak, try something new
Speak from your heart
Speak with love
Speak with the knowing of how you want to be spoken to
The relief is unspeakable
The love ever compounding and understood
Would you like to be included in Nadia’s Monday Morning Motivation Memo? We hope you’ll find these emails inspirational and transformational. Just let the words soothe you, open your mind to new insights and your heart to a greater love.